What to do when things don't go as expected [Lessons from Italy, Pt. 3/3]
Can you believe the endurance this took?! Awesome decision making….what a Good Samaritan. Click the image to see it on video.
By and large, churches perceive themselves as friendly and easy to connect with if someone wants to.
But when a church sees itself as friendly, it’s usually means their people are friendly to each other.
This is true of any community made up of humans. That’s why when any of us are in a new environment, it’s not a downhill coast to make new connections, it’s a climb.
…and all of us need a Sherpa to help us reach that summit of full connection.
This is especially true when things go south.
Consider this real life moment on Everest recently where Gelje Sherpa found a person dying on the trail while leading someone else on the climb. Read what he did!! ↑
This is the Sherpa style of leadership that those seeking Jesus need in order to find him in the world today, especially when they show up at your church.
Church and Everest are not the only places where the unexpected happen. It can even happen in Italy.
Traveling in Italy isn’t always peaceful and easy, especially when all the railroad employees go on strike. The latest strike happened when we had already checked out of our airbnb and dragged our luggage to the train station only to find our that most of the trips had been cancelled.
Yep. That’s what happened. Advanced tickets mean nothing in a strike and we waited 5 and half hours with all are luggage not knowing if we would be able to get another train that day.
Do we find a hotel in Rome? Do we rent a car and just try and get to Assisi ourselves?
Here’s what we learned and what I make of it as Sherpa Leaders for our churches now:
➊ Don’t make assumptions
When it comes to people, we all make judgements at first sight (most of them incorrect), and that certainly happened to me. I thought a bystander was helping me find a new train to Assisi when they were actually using that opportunity to make money off me.
Once we found a train, Michelle and I sat down, just two of us in a four seat area (2 seats facing 2 seats) and exhaled after a 5 and half hour delay.
The ride was scenic even though it got dark by the end due to the delayed departure. We were both enjoying having an empty seat next to each of us when at about the halfway point, we had a visitor: an elderly priest with a large black hat, the traditional black cassock, and a very large cross around his neck.
His long grey beard made me think he might be Orthodox from one of the Eastern block countries not far from Italy. His quietness gave away his lack of fluency in english but as this large man sat next to my wife (facing me), I could see her discomfort, as these seats caused them to be touching each other.
Then the unthinkable happened. As we saw the iconic silhouette of Assisi approaching in the post-dusk sky, several passengers (including the priest and us) dragged their luggage to the train exits waiting for the train to slow down.
It didn’t. It passed the Assisi station and just kept going.
A mild panic began to set in, None of us were sure where the train would stop next and how/if we would get back to Assisi. That is when we discovered the priest spoke english. He not only spoke english, he was Catholic (not Orthodox) and had flown in from Texas!
Through an Italian accent, Father Bartolomeo began to tell us what we might be facing. He had been to Assisi before and was back to visit friends there while staying at a monastery. His trek from Texas made him as tired as we were.
For the next hour and a half, Father Bartolomeo became the friend we didn’t know we needed. Which led us to this set of actions…
➋ Cross a boundary and collaborate
It was amazing to discover that this person whom we judged as too foreign for us to really engage with not only spoke our language but had been living in our country for decades.
After genuinely enjoying getting to know each other, we troubleshot our increasingly uncertain arrival. He knew the next stop was too rural to have an Uber or taxi so we waited for a later stop in downtown Perugia where we could hopefully flag a taxi.
When we finally got to Perugia, the stairs were endless and the luggage heavy. Rather than watch Father Bartolomeo struggle I gladly carried his luggage up, down and all around that confusing station.
Once outside, our group of touristic refugees huddled to try and figure things out. It was late and googling a taxi service was the best we all could do. We talked one driver into contacting others for us while Michelle, myself, a dentist from the East Coast of the U.S. and Father Bartolomeo waited for a rescue on wheels.
We debated about where to wait, dragged luggage around some more, finally seeing a taxi that was of course picking us up some place different than where we were. We crammed in the small car, adding the dentist to our new found travel family. Swapping stories made the night time drive seem a little shorter.
Once we ascended the town of Assisi, it came time to disembark. Here’s where I dropped the ball…
➌ Keep in touch
When we made it to the main piazza, the taxi stopped. We celebrated, popped the trunk, fought over who would pay/tip the the driver, and covered the cost for a grateful Bartolomeo.
When I turned, he grabbed me and hugged me with an affection that communicated gratitude. I hugged him back, grateful for his knowledge of the locale and upbeat companionship.
He suggested we should meet for dinner during our stay. I said I would love to and he told me the name of the church and monastery he was lodging at. That’s where my brain fog kicked in: I never wrote it down and could not remember the name or where it was.
Over the next few days, we thought of him, spoke fondly of him and wondered how we could make contact. We didn’t see him again, but wish we had.
As I think of how I almost completely ignored someone I assumed was too different from me to engage with, I am mindful of how these learnings apply to what we all do in guest services and assimilation as Sherpa types:
Never assume someone who looks different from you is actually that different from you, especially when things don’t go as expected.
Assisi at night when we finally arrived.
I cannot tell you all the unbelievable stories of first time guests I thought would be a challenge, or not gel with us as a church or stick around, only to become close friends and even end up on staff!
Many were identified during a curveball or crisis of some kind. There is something about a crisis and uncertainty that allows us to access those special parts of people that appear different than us.
Don’t be afraid to engage with or enlist the help of guests when the unexpected happens.
Whether a medical emergency, or a simple curveball like a sound system problem, crying infant or AC that doesn’t work, get people on your team (or get on theirs) to weather the storm.
Helping a mom with an inconsolable child by equipping your team with access to free food and drink in a hospitable area of your church is a kind way of dealing with that situation (we have gift cards to our cafe and coloring books for those moments).
When the music is too loud, we have ear plugs available. If the temperature’s too cold, we have blankets to pass out for our guests. Letting well-meaning guests who may want to help do so in some way can create a bond and make someone who is a guest feel like an insider in an instant.
With discernment, collaborate with them and offset the awkwardness by inviting them into the unexpected with you or at least by acknowledging it in some way.
Contact guests during the week after the unexpected event happens.
Getting someone’s contact info to connect on problem-solving during the week can be a more natural way to build community with someone than even your One Place where guests get your welcome gift.
If someone was adversely affected by the unexpected, leverage it by contacting them with a sincere apology and a freebee for their next visit.
Doing so can put someone on the assimilation fast track instead of leaving them on the sidelines. This underscores the importance of getting guest’s contact info to begin with.
I am sure the person whose life was in jeopardy on Everest bonded in an authentic and surprising way to Gelje Sherpa. The bonding happened because this Sherpa knew exactly what to do.
Preparing for the unexpected means preparing for how you will handle guests in those moments. If you do, the surprises will come, stories will flow, and people will connect with you… I’m sure of it.
TO CHEW ON WHILE WE CLIMB
What was the last unexpected thing that happened in your guest services or assimilation ministry? What was your first response to it?
What did you ultimately do to address the unexpected? Did it help or harm guest experience?
In what ways can you be more prepared for the unexpected at your church? How can you leverage a curveball and turn it into a win for guests?
What big weekend is on the horizon for you right now?
Believe it or not, it’s probably closer than you think! With someone’s random vacation, an unexpected crisis, a random conference to go to, and that same Sunday machine pumping like always… you prep time will likely evaporate WAY too fast.
But what if you made the most of it?
What if you made a high-impact assimilation system your primary goal over the next month?
What if all those new guests that show up on your next big weekend have a clearly-defined path to connection lined up?
What if those fringe attenders could finally be convinced to take a real step toward being a part of things?
The CTA Video Course has helped hundreds of churches build their most effective assimilation system yet — and that’s the only way you can unlock the most potential for true discipleship at your church.
If you want the next ministry year to be remembered as the one with the spike in volunteer recruitment and small group placement… this will get you there.
The course will give you…
a crystal clear picture of what it really takes to connect 1 out of 4 guests
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