3 simple ways to take a Sabbath that will actually give you rest
On April 12th, I did something that all of you who love me or have any regard for me whatsoever should have prevented. I turned 60.
I can’t believe you all let this happen to me, but here I am: all six decades of me (insert grin emoji here). The only decision I had left to make was how and where to spend this milestone.
This is how I celebrated. And because it coincided with my 6-week Sabbatical, I ended up learning 3 things that will help all of us who are leaders in churches actually “Sabbath” in a rest-producing way. You could even begin practicing them on your next day off to increase your need to be replenished physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Here they are:
When you take a Sabbath…
➊ Take it with the right people (and the right number of them).
For my 50th birthday, I had a backyard party with a live band, lots of friends and family, and food. It was fun. But 10 years later, I found myself lacking the same energy and desire for a large gathering. It felt too much like what I do at church: large crowds with lots of short conversations. I wanted to go deep this time with as many of the people in my inner circle as I could rally.
Though I could not get all of my treasured relationships on the calendar, I was able to get these, and I am still flying inwardly and outwardly from the richness of doing several intimate gatherings instead of a party:
An evening around my fire pit with my adult children.
Dinner and cigars with 4 of my closest friends from my small group that I’ve been a part of for 24 years.
Dessert and coffee at my home with just my extended family (with an unexpected time of toasting that still touches me).
Breakfast with a close friend from college and dinner with another friend I’ve had since 1st grade.
A trip to Italy with just my wife, where I turned 60 only with her in Rome over an incredible dinner and bottle of wine.
Instead of one big night that required planning and a lot of surface conversation, I leaned into this milestone birthday with around 2 and a half months of well-paced get-togethers where I could go deep with and enjoy the people God has given me to love and be loved by in this world.
The takeaway here: Sabbath with people who fill your cup (not just drink from it), in small numbers to maximize the connection and what you can receive from each of them. You won’t regret it.
➋ Take it one moment at a time (not two or three).
People have often told me they know how I am doing long before I do. How? Because evidently I wear it on my face. One of the reasons for this is that I often think about things I haven’t gotten done in the last few days (I am a 3 on the enneagram) or I’m trying to figure out how I am going to get something done in the next few days that I am unsure about.
Being on Sabbatical (an extended form of Sabbath), I found that the temptation to squander my rest of distraction and worries about yesterday’s frustrations and tomorrow’s imagined outcomes.
My solution? Recognize when my inner Elvis has “left the building”, and decide to be present only in this moment. That moment could be with my wife, a friend, myself or with God. Either way, I must be fully present to receive rest from it.
My technique for doing that after recognizing that I was anxious or distracted was to change the focus of my eyes from distant and vacant to an object in front of me: a person, a page, a tree, a cloud, a source of music, even a bug.
After making that simple adjustment, I deep breathed through my nose and out my mouth, thanking God for that good thing I was present with. This “woke me up” from my distracting compulsions and released me to relish what was right in front of me, guiltlessly.
If you are experiencing any challenges in a specific relationship, you will find this especially helpful and freeing. Try it and tell me in the comments what you experienced.
But speaking of guiltlessly being present, here is the third way to access rest on your Sabbath:
➌ Take it without guilt (here’s how).
If you’re like me, you can feel guilty for having (or even planning) a great day off.
We ask ourselves why we should be able to do this when others seem to not have (or take) the opportunity for a weekly Sabbath or an extended getaway. As a church leader, sometimes people who love and appreciate you offer you a vacation home to stay in, a timeshare to use, or give you a gift card to a nice restaurant and you struggle to fully receive it when some in your church family don’t seem to have these blessings.
Imagine my guilt at being given a 4-week Sabbatical every 5 years at my church (I added 2 weeks of saved vacation time to extend it to 6 weeks). As I was pondering this, I found myself praying for trains in Italy to be on time, help in finding the right restaurant for my wife’s preferences, and the like.
True confession: I said to God, “How can you answer these prayers while I am traveling in Italy while you are also hearing from parents begging you to heal their child of cancer, help them make rent, or conquer an addiction that has plagued them for years? God, you must be rolling your eyes at my pettiness and self focus”.
That’s when he showed me something I had never comprehended before.
After I prayed, I could see God as a father coming home wearing a uniform that was something like a paramedic’s or a policeman’s. He had spent all day in the trenches saving lives, putting out fires, addressing crisis and comforting the injured and victimized.
As he walked in the door he saw his children who wanted to play with him, tell him about their day, and ask if he had any candy. This Father was in no way angry with his kids for doing so. He never said, “Are you kidding me? Play? Do you have any idea what’s going on out there?”
Everything in Him wanted to protect them from all he had seen during the day and do nothing but enjoy their company. In fact, everything he did during the day was to help people access what he was enjoying now: peace, enjoyment, and family.
If you struggle with guilt in taking any kind of Sabbath, I invite you to visualize God as this rescuer who is able to separate himself from the perils of life “out there” when he comes home to his children’s joyful and simple requests.
God is not only able to do this, but he does it-because he wants to. This brought me closer to him on my Sabbatical and kept me from avoiding him through needless guilt.
These are my learnings that I hope will help you as a Sherpa leader who is consistently helping others make the climb toward fuller connection with God and others.
For other benefits on Sabbath and leveraging a Sabbatical in your life, go here and read what I learned from my first Sabbatical. I still am benefiting from what I learned then and building on it now.
Also, look for a few posts over the next week about what I learned in Italy in regard to serving guests and connecting them at our churches. It will blow your mind—it did mine!
((And scroll down for a quick note about what exciting things are coming soon))
Until then,
What is your biggest deterrent to experiencing a restful Sabbath: other people, your distractions, or guilt about having one?
Which of these 3 ways to access a more restful Sabbath is most significant for you right now? Why?
When is your next Sabbath? Is there a way for you to create a Sabbatical of sorts for yourself that would offer a deep restfulness for yourself?
☝️ One more thing before you go!
Tommy and I have some exciting plans for this summer — we’re going to do everything we can to make it the summer of assimilation! There’s no better time to focus on installing a new system, making significant changes, and most importantly, getting your whole staff on board so that everything clicks.
In just a couple weeks, we’ll be rolling out the first of those plans, so stay tuned!
In the meantime, we’re dying to know one piece of feedback that we included in a survey we sent out last week:
🪄 If you could wave a magic wand and change *one* element of your church’s assimilation system, what would you change?
Let us know in the comments below ⬇️
